You'll be missed, Tatay! :(

One time in early May 2012, I told Daddy,


"By the time pala doctor na ako, with specialization na, 100 years old na ang Tatay." 

Then Dad replied, "Oo nga no? Kakayanin niya yan!"

Few weeks after, Lolo was brought to the hospital and diagnosed to have pneumonia. 

I can remember my mom would never stopped from reprimanding me when I stay overnight at the hospital to watch over Tatay. She said that I am very prone of having pneumonia too. But I never stopped on watching over him. I remember there was a time my cousin and I didn't even sleep because we were afraid Tatay will remove his IV. I remember the time when my cousin and I will be the one to help him urinate. I remember the time when my Lolo was acting like a child when he wanted to come home. He even went inside the bathroom, and asked us to open the door and let him come home, or else, he'll throw the pail of water to me and my cousin.

After his first hospitalization, he was brought home. He was fine for the next few weeks. But then again, he was brought to the hospital.

I think it was a day before I go back to Manila that he was able to come home.

A week after I came back to school, Dad told us that Lolo and Ninang are staying at our house already, so they can have a close monitoring of Tatay.

I went home last June 23 for the San Juan. Tatay was still fine.

A week after, after I came home from mass, Ninang texted Eunice that we should pray because Tatay was in bad condition already. According to her, earlier that day, she and my Dad were crying because they thought Tatay was leaving us already. Tatay was not waking up at that time. But he became better after some hours.

Last July 6, while I'm having my Parasitology class, I could not concentrate because Daddy was texting me. He was asking us to come home. It was kind of a shock because I already told him that my exam is on the following week. He said I could just study at home and that Tatay needs us.
That's when I realized he was gonna leave us any time soon. 

When we got home on Friday night, Tatay was already asleep. The NGT was still inside him. He still had oxygen. He was really in NO good condition. I went to my room that night, trying to sleep but could not. I was scared that while I'm asleep, he'll leave us.

I was happy when the following day, he was still good. That was Saturday, July 7. He was on his rocking chair, and I was beside him reviewing. My parents and Ninang Mercy were downstairs. Kuya left for his duty in Manila. Eunice went home. It was just the two of us - Me and Tatay. Daddy came, and told me that Tatay did not want to wake up. Mom called Kuya to go back and just be absent from his duty. Eunice came. We were all crying. We thought he was really gonna leave us. The whole time he was just asleep. The night came. Midnight came. Dawn came. He never woke up. The whole family were all in one big room.

The next day, I woke up to Daddy saying, "Gising na Tatay!" I was so thankful. He looked better. That time we were preparing to go back to Manila. I kept on checking on Tatay's SPO2 and pulse rate. They were good. We said our goodbyes to Tatay, left the house and headed back to Manila. Daddy went back home as soon as he dropped us to the dorm. 

Hours after he got back to Batangas, Daddy called Kuya saying that Lolo's gone already.

I guess Tatay just really waited for us. Tatay just waited for us to leave, because he was having a hard time leaving us when we were around, since we kept on crying when we felt like he was giving up. He just waited for his only son to come back home safely, and for his grandchildren to be back to the dormitory.

I cried a lot that night. I could not accept it. 

Everything was so fast. And that is what hurts me the most.

He was so strong yesterday and the following day, he's gone. 

The next day, after my first exam, I saw a butterfly outside our room. I was so sure that that was Tatay.

He is now in a safe and better place. He is now happy.

I'll miss you Tatay. :'(

I love you so much,
 Tatay Juan M. Dayandayan!
 (1922-2012)

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